Wednesday, August 6, 2008

That guy smells:

So, it like 100 degrees here in Georgia so when it's this hot I head to the gym to run on the hamster wheel.

I get home from work and walk in the door and the spousal unit "said I need to go shopping", then I said I need to go to the gym. Being a true gentleman and wanting to keep peace in the house, I day "Sure, why don't you do your thing, I'll hang with the kids and you go off and shop and when you come back I'll head to the gym" or something like that. She is gone for 90 minutes or so, she comes back happy and with new shoes (yeah that's a topic for another day, woman and shoes) so head to the gym.

I feel good, and I look good because I got my new shirt and when I get to the gym it's a little past rush hour, perfect. I find a bunch of empty treads and hop on and do a walking warm-up. I like to walk for 5 minutes, do a little stretch and then have at it, but I decide I should use the restroom because I had been hydrating all day. I put my towel up on the display (international signal for I'm in the men's room) and when I'm walking to the men's room I get a whiff of what smells like 7 day old roadkill. You guys know the smell, your running down the road and the wind is blowing the right way and holy $h1t, yeah, that's what I smelt. Now I'm a big boy and things like that don't bother me too much, hey it's a gym (or a social hangout for some people, alas another story) and when you work out you, well, you can get a good funk going. But when I say 7 day old roadkill, I mean this person was ripe. So, where was I, oh the men's room, I do my business and when I am heading back I am hit in the face by the roadkill, damn I think! As I walking back to MY treadmill, I can see that most of the other empty treads are now full, but then it happened, the roadkill (I'm calling him skunky now) cuts me off, and jumps on the tread to my left. I'm from the Boston area now living in Georgia and I'm trying to be a Southern Gentleman, so I go about my business and start running, but I can't really get up to speed because all I can think about is how bad this guy smells. This person looked as if he might have been new to the country and in his last place they didn't bathe all the time, I know we have it pretty good here, lots of water and soap and etc… I'm not knocking where ever this person may have been from, but yeah Skunky was ripe and it wasn't anything new. As I hit the ten minute mark I remember thinking what the hell does this guys bed smell like, I was really not liking this guy much, but in the back of my mind I was hoping that he was just warming up so he could go lift. At the twenty minute mark I was getting agitated and I was thinking was I going to squirt him with my water bottle, tell him to get the %$#% away from me before I kick his A$$ (I did say I lived close to Boston), but I just bit my tongue and upped my speed. It was really all I could do not to kill this man, I couldn't move to a new tread they were all taken, and I had to get my workout in. I didn't know if I could finish my workout, I start thinking about stopping, maybe I should just leave and go home, I don't want to go to jail for killing this guy, do I? Hmmmmm, what jury could convict me, I wonder, temporary insanity brought on by the smell of death, yeah, that's it. Skunky's wife came over and started talking to him, not sure what she was saying, but I'm sure she was smelly too. I was pissed off because this guy was giving me heart burn and I was hoping that Mrs. Skunky would take him home, but that Skunky ran for 45 minutes, wearing a long sleeved shirt, shorts and some sort of slip on loafer like shoes. Once he left I thought for sure they are going to have to burn the tread where it stood.

I ran for another 15 minutes, and I have to say it was pure pleasure, free from negative thoughts and it smelt as good as rain.

Now I know I'm over reacting about this guy, but every once in awhile It's fun to bitch.

I'm going to bring Febreze and if I ever see him again I going to give him a couple shots.



Dee Dee said...

Drop him a bar of soap on the treadmill next time !!!

Wes said...

ROFL! You are now The Angry Ewok :-)

teacherwoman said...

That stinks. Literally. blech.

Kevin said...

Yet another reason I avoid the dreadmill

Sam said...

Had the same thing happen in a spin class. At least it takes your mind off running.

Nitmos said...

Fight fire with fire: Fart. Repeatedly.

Erin Leigh said...

No, it is like impossible to run next to that. There was a guy at my old gym that STUNK and the sad thing was he would come on the treadmill next to me no matter what. So not only did he STINK he STUNK and liked me :( I was so beyond grossed out.

There is a difference like you said between normal I am at the gym working out and maybe my deoderant wore out before it should have type thing and that I am a nasty ass mother that just doesn't bother to cleanse myself smell

Amy said...

Gross. I think I would have looked at him and said "do you smell something that smells like road kill?" It wouldn't have solved the problem, but it would have made me feel better...and I am from the South :)